I thought I was getting a handle on this "Surrender" thing...
Carolyn and I made a decision to have a "Natural Birth" for our first child. In the very beginning of this decision, I was not a big fan of it, as I always thought this was something "those people" did. Carolyn was really behind it, and once getting educated on it, and going through a Bradley Method Birthing Class, I realized that this is how God made the process to work.
Now, that's all well and good, but I still didn't know what all that meant, and as we began nearing D-day, I continued to "Surrender" to all the scheduling and planning going on for this new little being to enter the world. It wasn't until today at Church when our Pastor spoke of how sometimes God answers with "No" or "Not Yet" that I began to understand that you cannot put "Surrender" and "scheduling and planning" in the same sentence. Don't get me wrong, I am all about intention, and I am recognizing that what I think is the best plan, may not always be the case.
This term "Totally Surrendered" has been at the end of every one of my emails since this camp began, and it has taken the most recent events in my life to fully get what that means. You see, we had a "due date" (by the way, those don't really mean what they sound like) of 8/15/11 for this baby to arrive, and I even had all camp members, family, friends, etc. praying and holding intention that this little baby boy would arrive healthy and safely on or before 8/15/11. So I just "Surrendered" to that and believed it would "just be". However, here we are 8/21/11, and my wife is very much still pregnant. And for the first time in 9 months, that's ok.
I am a Promoter by default, and when it's up to me, I prefer to "make everyone happy", hoping I'll make me happy in the process. So when it began getting close to the start of camp this week as a Team Leader, and that I would be letting all of those at Camp 22, and of course my students I have been putting so much time and effort into down, naturally, I began to get into my stuff. The great news is, everyone I just mentioned in the last sentence are amazing individuals, and at this time in my life when I can truly understand Surrender and actually "ask for support", you're all there!
In short, it is Sunday before Camp 22 this week, and we have not been blessed with a baby yet. There are some scenarios for me to still contribute to First Weekend, it just doesn't get to look the way I thought it would, which I have now come to terms with. So I may see you all in person at some point in the next 8 days, and I may not, and I'm grateful for both!! I do not understand the perspective and knowledge that God does, and I truly believe this will work out exactly as it is supposed to for everyone involved.
I love you and trust in all of you, as well as in God, that the outcome is the best it could ever be!! I'll also be happy to note my percentage still grows below, determining that all of this is a tremendous gift!!!
Goal % to date: 145%!!!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
100% and not Complete!
I am so happy to say that I reached my goal early of 75 hours or more, on or before August 24th, 2011!!! At the same time, I am even more happy to have realized that it is not about my goal, it was about the journey, and how I could turn a "goal" into a lifestyle! Therefore, I will not ever be complete on self-honoring as this is a beingness I choose to adapt constantly!
Let me explain that a little. What I learned in the last 76 hours of Self-honoring, was that I now cannot wait to see what the next 76 hours will be like! And realizing that reaching another milestone of another 76 hours in my life, doesn't even require logging the hours in a spreadsheet, or blogging on it. It just requires "being" self-honoring! Now, can those mechanisms help me to remain focused, and stay in self-honoring, for sure. However, having this awareness changes everything, and shows me I can be "present" in any given situation.
In other words, the goal was all about learning how to make that shift into being self-honoring, not really about the goal itself. So taking the time and effort to put my myself in focus, was just a way to create a habit of awareness. I now see that any "beingness" I would like more of in my life, if I just set out a mechanism to shift my focus into that beingness, I will begin to automatically "be" that, and will create a habit of awareness to "be" there in the blink of an eye, if so desired.
Also, I realized that "Self-honoring" is just an adjective, of where I really desire to be, which is "Authentically Present". Don't get me wrong, it's a great adjective, and great place to be, and I believe it itself to be a mechanism to where I want to be, and remain. See, being Authentically Present for me is choosing to be "HERE" when I would typically choose to take a mental vacation, or maybe even go numb. And the alternative is generally self-destructive, of course.
E.g., I did not have a lot of free time in my schedule today, and wanted to connect with my mom, sister, and brother. However, I made time, and a great example of what I'm getting at is my conversation with my Mother. I can easily find myself kicking myself for not creating more time to see my mom, and family - "I can't believe it Brett, you purchased a plane for many reasons, and one big one was to see your family more, and you are totally missing out". Then I would typically take that energy, call up that family member, and not be present at all, just be beating myself up and either telling them about it, or trying to hide it. But today was different - I chose to call my family, and great example was with my mom, where I decided that even for these few moments, I was going to be Authentically Present, and remember this call, no matter what we discussed. That awareness is what I have really been after!!!!!
I will continue to blog, and to update with % complete!
79.84 hours to date = 106% Great Feeling!!
Let me explain that a little. What I learned in the last 76 hours of Self-honoring, was that I now cannot wait to see what the next 76 hours will be like! And realizing that reaching another milestone of another 76 hours in my life, doesn't even require logging the hours in a spreadsheet, or blogging on it. It just requires "being" self-honoring! Now, can those mechanisms help me to remain focused, and stay in self-honoring, for sure. However, having this awareness changes everything, and shows me I can be "present" in any given situation.
In other words, the goal was all about learning how to make that shift into being self-honoring, not really about the goal itself. So taking the time and effort to put my myself in focus, was just a way to create a habit of awareness. I now see that any "beingness" I would like more of in my life, if I just set out a mechanism to shift my focus into that beingness, I will begin to automatically "be" that, and will create a habit of awareness to "be" there in the blink of an eye, if so desired.
Also, I realized that "Self-honoring" is just an adjective, of where I really desire to be, which is "Authentically Present". Don't get me wrong, it's a great adjective, and great place to be, and I believe it itself to be a mechanism to where I want to be, and remain. See, being Authentically Present for me is choosing to be "HERE" when I would typically choose to take a mental vacation, or maybe even go numb. And the alternative is generally self-destructive, of course.
E.g., I did not have a lot of free time in my schedule today, and wanted to connect with my mom, sister, and brother. However, I made time, and a great example of what I'm getting at is my conversation with my Mother. I can easily find myself kicking myself for not creating more time to see my mom, and family - "I can't believe it Brett, you purchased a plane for many reasons, and one big one was to see your family more, and you are totally missing out". Then I would typically take that energy, call up that family member, and not be present at all, just be beating myself up and either telling them about it, or trying to hide it. But today was different - I chose to call my family, and great example was with my mom, where I decided that even for these few moments, I was going to be Authentically Present, and remember this call, no matter what we discussed. That awareness is what I have really been after!!!!!
I will continue to blog, and to update with % complete!
79.84 hours to date = 106% Great Feeling!!
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