Wow, I have been getting some amazing insights and revelations from our church lately!! I was inspired to do another update to my blog immediately.
For starters, 2 weeks ago, a young contributing-heart-filled 9 year old girl from our church was killed in a car accident. I did not have the pleasure of knowing this girl Rachel Beckwith, and have come to realize I missed out on that. She was the light of the room I understand, always helping and serving others, as well as going out of her way to make other children at our church feel right at home. She was a true servant of God.
One of the most amazing things about Rachel was where her heart was at. She had decided to give up her birthday, and the presents that would come from it, and utilize a tool that www.charitywater.org offers to run a campaign asking all those who would give her a gift, to give the money to this organization that goes directly towards bringing clean water to those in need around the world. Her goal was $300, and she missed that by $80, totaling $220. The campaign was closed on her birthday. However, a few weeks after that, she was in a car accident, that had her on life support for several days, then finally she went to be with the Lord. Her family had shared with our church how deeply the campaign meant to her, and both Eastlake Community Church and Charity: Water decided to re-open her campaign, and put it out to the world, while she was still on life support. In less than 2 short weeks the account has risen from $220 to $726,000 and growing!!! Her sacrifice is helping so many people around the world, and by living "backwards" or with the end in mind, her legacy is changing lives forever.
Click here to check out Rachel's Charity: Water campaign page. It truly is inspiring!
Now that's a ripple effect, and it caused me to ask myself, how big of a ripple am I leaving??
Much of this has had me doing some soul searching, and re-evaluation on my purpose and goal. My Purpose is: "To be an abundant contributor of love, and fulfill the needs of all possible". At times lately, I have been thinking very selfishly, even to a point yesterday where I was actually thinking "why isn't somebody entertaining me?" The gall, right??
Today's message at church hit me square between the eyes and helped me to remember my God Given Purpose, and the blessings that come from Being in that Purpose.
At my Camp, Sam Camp 20, I achieved my goal of getting a signed contract with the company I do business with in excess of $250,000. When I was asked what supported me in achieving my goal, I realized that when I began focusing on everyone else's goal in camp, and how to help them over the wall, my goal just happened. This statement had not really impacted me until recently when starting our goals up here in Camp 22, and while speaking to some of the other Team Leads. I now realize that when I am in my purpose, and when we are all serving each other, God is there and he abundantly blesses that!
I have just uncovered how to live my life!! When I don't know why things aren't going "my way", and I negative feelings etc are coming up for me, I will just ask myself "where did I serve today, and where am I going to serve?" This question automatically takes a weight off my shoulders, as I know I am choosing to trust God when I feel the loneliest and uncertain of the future.
Lastly, our congregation was given a "Spirituality Litmus Test" in the message today, being asked: "Does your study of the Bible lead you to arrogance or action?" In other words, when I gain knowledge, or feel I "know" something, am I turning that into action, or am I finding a way to use it to "be right"??
So now I ask you. Are you using the information God is bringing into your life to "know more" or "be right"? Or are you taking all that you know, and putting it into action?
How can your life be different this week? I know how mine can, and I am choosing it!!
Total Hours to date: 59.84 - 80% Complete on my goal!!!
P.S. - I will be 100% and more on my 75 hour goal on or before August 24, 2011 at 11pm AZ time. However, I pray to never be complete on applying the concepts I have learned in this process, to eternity!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
You're probably wondering what that title is doing there. Well I have been realizing lately that this word "No" doesn't get used by me very much. This happens for two reasons:
1.) I find that I am typically a people pleaser, and telling someone "sorry I'm not doing that" tends to feel like a heart to the dagger when I'm putting myself in their shoes.
2.) I tend to think that I may be "missing out on something" if I don't do something or go somewhere that someone is asking me to.
What usually happens is I will a.) go or do something maybe even thinking it "could be" self-honoring, but most importantly because I was asked, and end up piling too much into a time period because of all the requests; b.) go or do something because if I don't I will "miss out", when typically in hind-sight that's not the case; c.) go or do something when I may have committed to something prior, and end up letting down those closest to me; or d.) I remain soooo optimistic that I will be able to go or do something, full well knowing that it probably won't happen with my schedule, then end up letting someone down last minute.
So, how do I address this "No" thing? It doesn't support me in self-honoring by saying "Yes" to everything. It doesn't support me in what I say I want in creating a life which is wealthy and abundant in family, success and friendship. So, how can it look?
Please take a minute to read this passage in The Greatest Networker in the World - by John Milton Fogg to understand what it is I really want:
“Every day’s a horse show day – in the Spring,” he said. “I thought today
was clear. I’ll have to check my Commitment Book. I know we have an
appointment for dinner,” he added.
“Commitment Book?” I asked.
“Like an appointment book,” he answered.
“You make appointments with your family?” The idea of that fascinated me.
“Yup,” he answered, “with Rachel and the kids, too.”
“Ah . . . ” I asked hesitatingly, “would you tell me about that?”
“Sure. What do you want to know?” he asked.
“Well, it seems strange to make appointments with your own family,” I said.
“That’s a nice opinion,” he said. Then he repeated, “So, what did you want
to know?”
“Well, ah . . . it seems a little cold – doesn’t it?”
“Not to me,” he answered. “It works for us. I make business appointments
and I make family appointments. Making them helps me keep them. They’re
my commitments.”
“But,” I said, “doesn’t that take the spontaneity out of things?”
“Just the opposite,” he said. “That’s one way I make certain I have the time
for being spontaneous.” He noted my puzzled look. “Let me explain.
“There was a time when my family took second place to my work. Truth is,
far-distant second. I love working. There’s nothing in this world I’d rather
do. And because of that, I was putting my family second. I’d get to them
when it was convenient – when there was ‘free time’ after my business was
completed.
“Well, at one point I noticed there never was any ‘free time.’ Every time
some space would show up, so would something to fill it. I had my life all
scheduled and no time for them – and no time for myself, for that matter
“So I asked, what’s missing? What did I need to do to make the time I
wanted to be with my family, and to do the things I wanted to do for
myself, as well?
“Two things were missing,” he said, “and the first was simple: making a
commitment and keeping it. I knew I could do that. I was making business
commitments – and keeping darn near every one of those. It seemed a
simple matter to me – not necessarily easy, but simple. If I could do that
with my business, there was no reason I couldn’t do it with every other area
of my life.
“So, I started making appointments for specific times to be with Rachel and
the kids. I told them what I was doing and why, and they agreed to help me
keep the appointments I made with them, because we all saw them as
commitments now – not just appointments.
“I made dates with Rachel – dinner dates, dates to watch videos after the
kids went to sleep, we even scheduled a couple of weekend seminars at
local hotels. I’ll let you figure out what the subject matter was.
“Rachel and I scheduled 30 minutes every day at 9:00 in the morning to
talk with each other about what was happening in our work and lives. When
either of us was traveling, we did that over the phone.
“I made appointments with Bobby, too. I hired him as my ‘Fun Coach,’
because I saw that fun was missing as well – you know, ‘All work and no
play . . . ’ Bobby’d take me out and play ball – which is how I became a teeball coach, by the way. We’d go for walks, have adventures. I just let him be the coach and show me what to do.
“Rebecca was a bit more difficult at first. Her only suggestion – outside of
horses – was to have me go shopping with her. Dad as wallet. I’d already
mastered that one, so we stuck with horses.
“I hadn’t ridden in, gee . . . ” he closed his eyes, thinking, “ . . . in almost
20 years. And then only in a Western saddle. She taught me English-style
riding. She taught me to jump, too. It’s great. She’s a wonderful teacher,
and now, I have two lessons a week with her. Dad as student, client and
paying customer.
“The question of ‘cold’ or ‘spontaneous’ never occurs to me. What’s
important is, does this way of doing things empower me and empower my
family? It has – for years. So, I conclude – it works. It may not work for
you.” -The Greatest Networker in the World - by John Milton Fogg
This passage describes what I would like to achieve. I recently had a huge realization that I am not only "over-committed", but that I am also generally not enjoying the "over-commitments" while in them, and saying "Yes" to everything was creating this vicious cycle. This realization even revealed a new layer of the onion in that I thought I was "Self-honoring" (which I was, to my "then" knowledge), however, I was still choosing distraction during time I would commit to, and was not totally surrendering (last blog) to the moment, and being present. For instance, if I was to have some friends drop by, my immediate thought of "Self-honoring" was: "I got the beers, everyone jump into your suits and lets head to the hot tub!" In so many cases I was thinking that "Self-honoring" was simply "Not Working", and that meant "Party". What I realized I was actually doing was choosing distraction, just like I had been doing with work. Don't get me wrong, not that it wasn't fun, it was just not creating what I say I want, in each of these instances. However, I wasn't taking time to really "be with" myself or others.
So, my new commitment is to do just that. I will not be counting hours from here on out unless they are hours I spend completely present in that moment, and not choosing distraction. I realize that I am the judge in all this, and I think that makes it all the better, because if I cannot judge this accurately during this goal, then I never will be able.
The summary of this is, I will be going with "No" much more frequently in the efforts of Self-honoring, rather than yes coupled with over-commitment!
Total Time to date: 55.34 hours - 74% of my goal!!
1.) I find that I am typically a people pleaser, and telling someone "sorry I'm not doing that" tends to feel like a heart to the dagger when I'm putting myself in their shoes.
2.) I tend to think that I may be "missing out on something" if I don't do something or go somewhere that someone is asking me to.
What usually happens is I will a.) go or do something maybe even thinking it "could be" self-honoring, but most importantly because I was asked, and end up piling too much into a time period because of all the requests; b.) go or do something because if I don't I will "miss out", when typically in hind-sight that's not the case; c.) go or do something when I may have committed to something prior, and end up letting down those closest to me; or d.) I remain soooo optimistic that I will be able to go or do something, full well knowing that it probably won't happen with my schedule, then end up letting someone down last minute.
So, how do I address this "No" thing? It doesn't support me in self-honoring by saying "Yes" to everything. It doesn't support me in what I say I want in creating a life which is wealthy and abundant in family, success and friendship. So, how can it look?
Please take a minute to read this passage in The Greatest Networker in the World - by John Milton Fogg to understand what it is I really want:
“Every day’s a horse show day – in the Spring,” he said. “I thought today
was clear. I’ll have to check my Commitment Book. I know we have an
appointment for dinner,” he added.
“Commitment Book?” I asked.
“Like an appointment book,” he answered.
“You make appointments with your family?” The idea of that fascinated me.
“Yup,” he answered, “with Rachel and the kids, too.”
“Ah . . . ” I asked hesitatingly, “would you tell me about that?”
“Sure. What do you want to know?” he asked.
“Well, it seems strange to make appointments with your own family,” I said.
“That’s a nice opinion,” he said. Then he repeated, “So, what did you want
to know?”
“Well, ah . . . it seems a little cold – doesn’t it?”
“Not to me,” he answered. “It works for us. I make business appointments
and I make family appointments. Making them helps me keep them. They’re
my commitments.”
“But,” I said, “doesn’t that take the spontaneity out of things?”
“Just the opposite,” he said. “That’s one way I make certain I have the time
for being spontaneous.” He noted my puzzled look. “Let me explain.
“There was a time when my family took second place to my work. Truth is,
far-distant second. I love working. There’s nothing in this world I’d rather
do. And because of that, I was putting my family second. I’d get to them
when it was convenient – when there was ‘free time’ after my business was
completed.
“Well, at one point I noticed there never was any ‘free time.’ Every time
some space would show up, so would something to fill it. I had my life all
scheduled and no time for them – and no time for myself, for that matter
“So I asked, what’s missing? What did I need to do to make the time I
wanted to be with my family, and to do the things I wanted to do for
myself, as well?
“Two things were missing,” he said, “and the first was simple: making a
commitment and keeping it. I knew I could do that. I was making business
commitments – and keeping darn near every one of those. It seemed a
simple matter to me – not necessarily easy, but simple. If I could do that
with my business, there was no reason I couldn’t do it with every other area
of my life.
“So, I started making appointments for specific times to be with Rachel and
the kids. I told them what I was doing and why, and they agreed to help me
keep the appointments I made with them, because we all saw them as
commitments now – not just appointments.
“I made dates with Rachel – dinner dates, dates to watch videos after the
kids went to sleep, we even scheduled a couple of weekend seminars at
local hotels. I’ll let you figure out what the subject matter was.
“Rachel and I scheduled 30 minutes every day at 9:00 in the morning to
talk with each other about what was happening in our work and lives. When
either of us was traveling, we did that over the phone.
“I made appointments with Bobby, too. I hired him as my ‘Fun Coach,’
because I saw that fun was missing as well – you know, ‘All work and no
play . . . ’ Bobby’d take me out and play ball – which is how I became a teeball coach, by the way. We’d go for walks, have adventures. I just let him be the coach and show me what to do.
“Rebecca was a bit more difficult at first. Her only suggestion – outside of
horses – was to have me go shopping with her. Dad as wallet. I’d already
mastered that one, so we stuck with horses.
“I hadn’t ridden in, gee . . . ” he closed his eyes, thinking, “ . . . in almost
20 years. And then only in a Western saddle. She taught me English-style
riding. She taught me to jump, too. It’s great. She’s a wonderful teacher,
and now, I have two lessons a week with her. Dad as student, client and
paying customer.
“The question of ‘cold’ or ‘spontaneous’ never occurs to me. What’s
important is, does this way of doing things empower me and empower my
family? It has – for years. So, I conclude – it works. It may not work for
you.” -The Greatest Networker in the World - by John Milton Fogg
This passage describes what I would like to achieve. I recently had a huge realization that I am not only "over-committed", but that I am also generally not enjoying the "over-commitments" while in them, and saying "Yes" to everything was creating this vicious cycle. This realization even revealed a new layer of the onion in that I thought I was "Self-honoring" (which I was, to my "then" knowledge), however, I was still choosing distraction during time I would commit to, and was not totally surrendering (last blog) to the moment, and being present. For instance, if I was to have some friends drop by, my immediate thought of "Self-honoring" was: "I got the beers, everyone jump into your suits and lets head to the hot tub!" In so many cases I was thinking that "Self-honoring" was simply "Not Working", and that meant "Party". What I realized I was actually doing was choosing distraction, just like I had been doing with work. Don't get me wrong, not that it wasn't fun, it was just not creating what I say I want, in each of these instances. However, I wasn't taking time to really "be with" myself or others.
So, my new commitment is to do just that. I will not be counting hours from here on out unless they are hours I spend completely present in that moment, and not choosing distraction. I realize that I am the judge in all this, and I think that makes it all the better, because if I cannot judge this accurately during this goal, then I never will be able.
The summary of this is, I will be going with "No" much more frequently in the efforts of Self-honoring, rather than yes coupled with over-commitment!
Total Time to date: 55.34 hours - 74% of my goal!!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Surrender = Self-Honoring
If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me. - Matthew 10:39
The realization I have had this week, is one that has puzzled me for so long. "How do I 'Self-honor' when this life is not about me, it's about others"? Today's blog is how I came to a great understanding on just that.
This week at our Church, the message seemed to be directed only at me. Have you ever been there? Well the message was referencing the story of Abraham going to the Region of Moriah, to sacrifice his son Isaac, in Genesis 22:1-5. The passage starts out stating that God "tested" Abraham. God had made many promises to Abraham, and now he was testing him, to then fulfill those promises. The passage then describes God telling Abraham to take his son to the "Region" of Moriah. God never lays out the exact road, nor the exact destination for you to follow and arrive at, even when he knows the answer. God then told Abraham to sacrifice something that was very dear to him, his only son, on a mountain - and Abraham told the servants that were with him "We are going up the mountain to 'worship', then we will return to you".
Our Pastor did an amazing job of laying all this out to look at, I am simply writing all of my realizations on it, and the impacts it is having on my life. I have, as many of us have, been tested in my life. And it's when I am tested, my first reaction is to "take control". I see the test as something "I" am going through, and God wants to see how "I" can get through it. All the while I totally miss that he wants me to rely on Him, to trust Him, and that requires Total Surrender.
In recent months, I have felt very tested, and continued to search for what God's plan is, so "I can follow it". As is stated in this passage, God told Abraham to go to the "Region" of Moriah. It turns out this is a very large "Region", and there are actually 7 mountains there! Abraham, in obedience, began walking toward that "Region" the very next morning. I will typically investigate all of what that could mean, so that I know which road in that direction, which mountain for sure, and what the travels will be like.
What hit me hardest though, was when Abraham told his servants that they were going atop the mountain to "Worship", and would return to them. Why on earth would Abraham choose those words? Why is this ultimate sacrifice a form of "Worship"? I believe, it can only be for one reason: that no matter the outcome, Abraham completely trusted, and was totally surrendered to God. He knew that God would provide, and later in the story he did by having a Ram show up and get stuck in a thicket to be sacrificed instead. Our Pastor reminded us that this was a true early symbol that God would not ask what many other religions were asking, for human sacrifice especially of ones own child, and then prove his ultimate love and sacrifice by doing just that, by sending Jesus - his only son.
So why am I describing all of this, and what does it have to do with Self-honoring? Everything!! This journey of Self-honoring is teaching me that Self-honoring is not "selfish", in fact, it's the exact opposite. I mentioned Matthew 10:39 to begin this blog, pointing out that it is NOT about Me, and, it is about God and me! The realization is that Self-honoring is Surrender! It is a lifestyle!! It is about choosing to whole heartedly trust in God, and he will provide, and stressing, over-committing, over working to create more (even if you plan to do great things with the "more") is all selfish, and all about being in control.
I recognize now that God wants me to Surrender to Him, trust Him, follow Him, which is to Worship Him! I had so many misconceptions and programs about what all those terms meant, until this week.
I always just took faith at a faith level, "just accept it". I never took the time to understand why I have faith. I know now that God wants me to Self-honor, and trust him, to know that I understand an ultimate test is when you give up what you believe is most important - and I was believing that creating abundance of money, to do great things is not what is MOST important, trusting Him regardless IS.
I could not possibly see how running 5 projects as a Project Manager, starting a new company, running another company, joining the board of an NPO, and devoting time to my wife, as well as preparing to bring a child into the world in a few weeks, could make any sense to choose into a "Self-honoring" goal. Now I Totally can!!
Total to-date: 35.09 hrs
The realization I have had this week, is one that has puzzled me for so long. "How do I 'Self-honor' when this life is not about me, it's about others"? Today's blog is how I came to a great understanding on just that.
This week at our Church, the message seemed to be directed only at me. Have you ever been there? Well the message was referencing the story of Abraham going to the Region of Moriah, to sacrifice his son Isaac, in Genesis 22:1-5. The passage starts out stating that God "tested" Abraham. God had made many promises to Abraham, and now he was testing him, to then fulfill those promises. The passage then describes God telling Abraham to take his son to the "Region" of Moriah. God never lays out the exact road, nor the exact destination for you to follow and arrive at, even when he knows the answer. God then told Abraham to sacrifice something that was very dear to him, his only son, on a mountain - and Abraham told the servants that were with him "We are going up the mountain to 'worship', then we will return to you".
Our Pastor did an amazing job of laying all this out to look at, I am simply writing all of my realizations on it, and the impacts it is having on my life. I have, as many of us have, been tested in my life. And it's when I am tested, my first reaction is to "take control". I see the test as something "I" am going through, and God wants to see how "I" can get through it. All the while I totally miss that he wants me to rely on Him, to trust Him, and that requires Total Surrender.
In recent months, I have felt very tested, and continued to search for what God's plan is, so "I can follow it". As is stated in this passage, God told Abraham to go to the "Region" of Moriah. It turns out this is a very large "Region", and there are actually 7 mountains there! Abraham, in obedience, began walking toward that "Region" the very next morning. I will typically investigate all of what that could mean, so that I know which road in that direction, which mountain for sure, and what the travels will be like.
What hit me hardest though, was when Abraham told his servants that they were going atop the mountain to "Worship", and would return to them. Why on earth would Abraham choose those words? Why is this ultimate sacrifice a form of "Worship"? I believe, it can only be for one reason: that no matter the outcome, Abraham completely trusted, and was totally surrendered to God. He knew that God would provide, and later in the story he did by having a Ram show up and get stuck in a thicket to be sacrificed instead. Our Pastor reminded us that this was a true early symbol that God would not ask what many other religions were asking, for human sacrifice especially of ones own child, and then prove his ultimate love and sacrifice by doing just that, by sending Jesus - his only son.
So why am I describing all of this, and what does it have to do with Self-honoring? Everything!! This journey of Self-honoring is teaching me that Self-honoring is not "selfish", in fact, it's the exact opposite. I mentioned Matthew 10:39 to begin this blog, pointing out that it is NOT about Me, and, it is about God and me! The realization is that Self-honoring is Surrender! It is a lifestyle!! It is about choosing to whole heartedly trust in God, and he will provide, and stressing, over-committing, over working to create more (even if you plan to do great things with the "more") is all selfish, and all about being in control.
I recognize now that God wants me to Surrender to Him, trust Him, follow Him, which is to Worship Him! I had so many misconceptions and programs about what all those terms meant, until this week.
I always just took faith at a faith level, "just accept it". I never took the time to understand why I have faith. I know now that God wants me to Self-honor, and trust him, to know that I understand an ultimate test is when you give up what you believe is most important - and I was believing that creating abundance of money, to do great things is not what is MOST important, trusting Him regardless IS.
I could not possibly see how running 5 projects as a Project Manager, starting a new company, running another company, joining the board of an NPO, and devoting time to my wife, as well as preparing to bring a child into the world in a few weeks, could make any sense to choose into a "Self-honoring" goal. Now I Totally can!!
Total to-date: 35.09 hrs
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Well I thought that was going to be Self-honoring??
This week was great, and I also had a wake up call. The week was riddled with Self-honoring time, and some were simple, and some were pretty big. Having friends in town was a total treat, spending time with my wife was terrific too, and restarting my workout regimen felt great! I also had a truly amazing experience, followed by a stressful experience, and topped off by a wonderful evening, all this last Friday.
By Wednesday of last week, I had learned that my boss wanted me to fly with him down to Portland and back, in the Mooney that he and I are part owners in. He had his other plane being worked on at PDX, and was planning on bringing it back, and I'd return in the Mooney solo. He was also wanting me to go golfing in a company golf tournament, which was to last from 1230pm to 630pm, then return to Seattle. Right off the bat I let him know that I had a prior commitment in Seattle that night at 630pm, where Carolyn and I had scheduled 6 weeks in advance to have long-over-due dinner with friends. He quickly understood that my commitment was also backed by the fact that my wife was pregnant, and that there was no game playing here.
He did however convince me to play 9 holes and take off, and he would stay for the full 18, then head back to PDX to fly his plane home.
Urban dictionary defines Blivid as: "Ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag."
Well, most of the day was truly surreal!! I was the Pilot in Command from Seattle to PDX, where we had some business meetings at the airport, and my boss checked on his plane. That's where a wrench got thrown into the system, his plane was not going to be ready Friday, or even Saturday - where he was considering spending the night to bring it back. This now meant, he would be heading back with me early to meet my commitment.
We took off from PDX to Aurora State Airport, where the golf tournament was right next to the airfield. Most of the organization was attempting to sell business to my boss, so when people found out I had a commitment to leave very early in the tournament, I quickly found out I was not very popular. On top of that, the tee off did not begin on-time at 1230 as planned, but rather at 120pm. I had already discussed with my boss that we had to be wheels up by 330 or 4pm at the latest, or I would be late for walking in my door back home by 5pm, to turnaround and leave for dinner. Whew...!
I had him fully enrolled in that by about 345pm, and the other vendors were still wanting him to be introduced to this guy, run over to the 17th hole at a booth to get this favor or that favor, we were both convinced to get 5 minute massages, and a few snacks for the road. Now don't get me wrong, I have been looking at all of this as a blessing from God that I was invited to this, and was now enjoying all of this, annnnnd, the STRESS was starting to boil up in me. After all this was said and done, we rushed to the car, threw in the golf clubs, and hustled over to the airstrip. Piled everything in the plane, didn't even jump out of our golf shoes, and took off by 430pm. We did have a nice tail wind where the trip only took 50 min to get back, whereas it took us about 75 min of flight time earlier that morning. But this flight was not as enjoyable.
My boss agreed that he would put the plane in the hangar and get it fueled up, to let me get right on the road heading for home, as he was just as afraid my wife would skin us both alive. We landed at 520pm, and after taxi and cargo transfer it was 540pm. I dodged multiple traffic infractions, and made it to home by 550pm, 50min late. My wife was not happy, but was not angry. For some damn reason, I was angry!! Only at myself, but I was spreading it everywhere! I changed in a jif, and we got on the road, only to check traffic that it was going to take 45min-1 hr to get there. It took the full hour... By this time, my wife was definitely mad at me, and I had set us up for a not so happy evening.
We had some clears, and once we arrived at our friends 1/2 hr late, all was well, and we all actually joked about it. This was a big realization for me however, and I don't believe I would have taken a second look at it, had I not taken on a Self-honoring goal. This is me. This is how I have been showing up, and it's not serving me, it's not serving those around me, and it usually just spills from one scenario to the next.
So, I did get some wonderful Self-honoring time that day, and due to some choices, and not putting my foot down (blogging on the word "NO" soon), it cost me a lot.
I am now committing to change this sort of behavior, and by having my commitments be upheld and mean something, I will have less chaos in my life, and that is very Self-honoring to me!
Total time to date: 25.26 hours
By Wednesday of last week, I had learned that my boss wanted me to fly with him down to Portland and back, in the Mooney that he and I are part owners in. He had his other plane being worked on at PDX, and was planning on bringing it back, and I'd return in the Mooney solo. He was also wanting me to go golfing in a company golf tournament, which was to last from 1230pm to 630pm, then return to Seattle. Right off the bat I let him know that I had a prior commitment in Seattle that night at 630pm, where Carolyn and I had scheduled 6 weeks in advance to have long-over-due dinner with friends. He quickly understood that my commitment was also backed by the fact that my wife was pregnant, and that there was no game playing here.
He did however convince me to play 9 holes and take off, and he would stay for the full 18, then head back to PDX to fly his plane home.
Urban dictionary defines Blivid as: "Ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag."
Well, most of the day was truly surreal!! I was the Pilot in Command from Seattle to PDX, where we had some business meetings at the airport, and my boss checked on his plane. That's where a wrench got thrown into the system, his plane was not going to be ready Friday, or even Saturday - where he was considering spending the night to bring it back. This now meant, he would be heading back with me early to meet my commitment.
We took off from PDX to Aurora State Airport, where the golf tournament was right next to the airfield. Most of the organization was attempting to sell business to my boss, so when people found out I had a commitment to leave very early in the tournament, I quickly found out I was not very popular. On top of that, the tee off did not begin on-time at 1230 as planned, but rather at 120pm. I had already discussed with my boss that we had to be wheels up by 330 or 4pm at the latest, or I would be late for walking in my door back home by 5pm, to turnaround and leave for dinner. Whew...!
I had him fully enrolled in that by about 345pm, and the other vendors were still wanting him to be introduced to this guy, run over to the 17th hole at a booth to get this favor or that favor, we were both convinced to get 5 minute massages, and a few snacks for the road. Now don't get me wrong, I have been looking at all of this as a blessing from God that I was invited to this, and was now enjoying all of this, annnnnd, the STRESS was starting to boil up in me. After all this was said and done, we rushed to the car, threw in the golf clubs, and hustled over to the airstrip. Piled everything in the plane, didn't even jump out of our golf shoes, and took off by 430pm. We did have a nice tail wind where the trip only took 50 min to get back, whereas it took us about 75 min of flight time earlier that morning. But this flight was not as enjoyable.
My boss agreed that he would put the plane in the hangar and get it fueled up, to let me get right on the road heading for home, as he was just as afraid my wife would skin us both alive. We landed at 520pm, and after taxi and cargo transfer it was 540pm. I dodged multiple traffic infractions, and made it to home by 550pm, 50min late. My wife was not happy, but was not angry. For some damn reason, I was angry!! Only at myself, but I was spreading it everywhere! I changed in a jif, and we got on the road, only to check traffic that it was going to take 45min-1 hr to get there. It took the full hour... By this time, my wife was definitely mad at me, and I had set us up for a not so happy evening.
We had some clears, and once we arrived at our friends 1/2 hr late, all was well, and we all actually joked about it. This was a big realization for me however, and I don't believe I would have taken a second look at it, had I not taken on a Self-honoring goal. This is me. This is how I have been showing up, and it's not serving me, it's not serving those around me, and it usually just spills from one scenario to the next.
So, I did get some wonderful Self-honoring time that day, and due to some choices, and not putting my foot down (blogging on the word "NO" soon), it cost me a lot.
I am now committing to change this sort of behavior, and by having my commitments be upheld and mean something, I will have less chaos in my life, and that is very Self-honoring to me!
Total time to date: 25.26 hours
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Awakening
I am determined to "Play Full Out" on my Self-honoring goal, and yet that tends to sound like an oxymoron to me. I have always had an idea of "Self-honoring", and that if taken to a "Play Full Out" level would really just be someone doing nothing productive, everything for them self, and lounging around all the time. I have realized that that is my program on Self-honoring, and I have found it to be nothing like that.
I have been marveling at how when I take time out of my day/week/month/life to fill me up, all the productive activities have been "easy" to do. All the scarcity I was having around thinking "I don't have the time to self-honor", really was that I didn't have the time not to. My schedule is so less rushed now, and my income has been positively growing (which of course is how I tend to measure my "time"). Regardless of income however, I am noticing that I don't mind taking on work, or projects, or business activities when I am rested, filled up, and happy from the time I have taken for me.
Just this week I have seen accounts line up with my company, and opportunities arise that I had been burying myself to deep to even see. Looking with "soft eyes" has made such a difference.
My projects in software development have just been flowing. I have happy clients, happy team, and happy Managing Partner, which seems a direct correlation to a happy me!
It's as though I have been given about 30-40 more hours a week, and I have been finding time to do some projects with my wife around the house before the baby comes, etc. I mean I know this all sounds like pixy dust or something, but it's true!
Bottom line, the tasks that used to stress me out (and when I get stressed out, I generally just try to push through it, not let it out in healthy ways), are not stressing me out. I used to think of many simple activities and tasks as "chores", when now I just realize the cost or benefit in completing or not completing a task. Better yet, it's almost like the word "task" doesn't even register right now, it just feels like a fulfilled life.
I have started my workout routine again, I have had friends in town this week which I have not seen in a while, I spent several hours today watching some tv (I rarely choose into that anymore) and working with my wife on some projects, and.....my "boss" asked me to fly him down in our plane tomorrow to Portland - for a golf tournament! I will be ending the day with dinner at some friends house with my wife, and getting up on Saturday to go play some flag football that a friend just invited me to!!! I mean, I know I'm rambling here, but I can't make this stuff up! It feels as though when I made the conscious choice to "Self-honor", what actually happened was "Self-honoring" chose me!
Almost 7 more hours since my last blog added
15.66 Total to date!
I have been marveling at how when I take time out of my day/week/month/life to fill me up, all the productive activities have been "easy" to do. All the scarcity I was having around thinking "I don't have the time to self-honor", really was that I didn't have the time not to. My schedule is so less rushed now, and my income has been positively growing (which of course is how I tend to measure my "time"). Regardless of income however, I am noticing that I don't mind taking on work, or projects, or business activities when I am rested, filled up, and happy from the time I have taken for me.
Just this week I have seen accounts line up with my company, and opportunities arise that I had been burying myself to deep to even see. Looking with "soft eyes" has made such a difference.
My projects in software development have just been flowing. I have happy clients, happy team, and happy Managing Partner, which seems a direct correlation to a happy me!
It's as though I have been given about 30-40 more hours a week, and I have been finding time to do some projects with my wife around the house before the baby comes, etc. I mean I know this all sounds like pixy dust or something, but it's true!
Bottom line, the tasks that used to stress me out (and when I get stressed out, I generally just try to push through it, not let it out in healthy ways), are not stressing me out. I used to think of many simple activities and tasks as "chores", when now I just realize the cost or benefit in completing or not completing a task. Better yet, it's almost like the word "task" doesn't even register right now, it just feels like a fulfilled life.
I have started my workout routine again, I have had friends in town this week which I have not seen in a while, I spent several hours today watching some tv (I rarely choose into that anymore) and working with my wife on some projects, and.....my "boss" asked me to fly him down in our plane tomorrow to Portland - for a golf tournament! I will be ending the day with dinner at some friends house with my wife, and getting up on Saturday to go play some flag football that a friend just invited me to!!! I mean, I know I'm rambling here, but I can't make this stuff up! It feels as though when I made the conscious choice to "Self-honor", what actually happened was "Self-honoring" chose me!
Almost 7 more hours since my last blog added
15.66 Total to date!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Airshow etc.
I am finding that I am much more "aware" of "Self-honoring" now than I have ever been before. I am also seeing that things I think will be self-honoring, do not always end up that way, and other things just took a small tweak on how I view it, and all of a sudden, there I am, consciously choosing to treat myself.
Today was a fantastic day full of self-honoring. I slept in, then got ready to go to the Arlington Fly-in and Airshow! Felt like a little kid again, climbing over planes, oohing and awing over privately owned planes, warbirds, aerobatic planes, etc.! I was so blessed to create time to be with my wife, somewhere I was totally unplugged, and present in the moment. I am also realizing that I don't have to "be somewhere" to accomplish this, I just need to "be".
Accumulative Total to-date: 8.83
Today was a fantastic day full of self-honoring. I slept in, then got ready to go to the Arlington Fly-in and Airshow! Felt like a little kid again, climbing over planes, oohing and awing over privately owned planes, warbirds, aerobatic planes, etc.! I was so blessed to create time to be with my wife, somewhere I was totally unplugged, and present in the moment. I am also realizing that I don't have to "be somewhere" to accomplish this, I just need to "be".
On the flip side, I also performed an exercise today, which I believed would be relaxing, rewarding, and ultimately "Self-honoring". This exercise was to spend 10 min looking at my self in the mirror, then journal on it, and if you happen to get distracted and look away or something, you start over. Well, the exercise took me 16 min, as after 4min I chose to get distracted, started over, and made the next 10 min a task. I was anticipating that this would be a time for reflection, and some introspective thoughts to occur, but the minute I happened to get unfocused and tired, I looked at my lip for just a second, and bam, I was in my stuff.
From that point on I was so focused on getting through the 10 min exercise, I didn't even think to make it fun. I think I do this in life quite often. Patience is not typically a strong virtue of mine, and when things don't turn out just like I had planned them, I hurry up and "fix" them, and usually miss what's going on completely.
In church today, the message was on "waiting", and I'm certain the pastor picked this message for me alone. This totally resonated with where I'm at right now. The bible is all about waiting. God makes promises, then he waits to fulfill them. Waiting is also showing obedience to God. Man I have a lot to learn!
One of the biggest takeaways from today's message to me was from this statement: "Once we take the leap of faith, ask Jesus to be our savior and place our faith and trust in him, then through sanctification, the holy spirit is making us more in the likeness of Jesus, everyday". It was very powerful to come to some of these revelations today, and the realization that Jesus is unbelievably patient!!!
Today's Self-honoring:
Writing this blog: 1hr
Fly-in and Airshow: 3.5
Church: 1hr
Accumulative Total to-date: 8.83
Friday, July 8, 2011
How does this "Self-honoring" thing look?
Embarking on this journey to choose self-honoring, sounds great, but it begs an answer to a question that hit me right away, what the hell is "Self-honoring"? I think anyone could get slippery when setting out on a "Self-honoring" goal, and say that anything is "Self-honoring". Sleeping in 10 minutes, taking the scenic route home, reading for 10 minutes, etc. These are quite possibly all "Self-honoring", however they feel very small to me. Small is fine, and still important, however, I do not want to base the context of my goal on "small".
What I came to realize was that "Self-honoring" is whatever one's "Self" believes it to be, or whatever truly "Honors" me. Therefore, I am the Judge, Jury, and Executioner when it comes to whether or not I truly have honored myself.
The good news is that I have an entire team of individuals that know me very well, that will hold me accountable to whether through this, as well as at the end of this 7 weeks, I am a changed man, or if I have just done enough to "get by". And I ask, why would anyone want to use this opportunity to "get by", when an entirely more fulfilling life awaits me for just stepping into an area I generally choose out of.
So, what all this means to me is, my definition of "Self-honoring" is consciously choosing to treat myself. I could very easily make this a "task operation" and miss the whole point. If I choose not to be present, choose not to enjoy, choose the experience to "suck", then I will get the results I'm choosing, and it is NOT "Self-honoring".
I ask all that know me, and are following this story to call me out on this as well. If I let you know that I HAD to go golfing today, or later I NEED to get a massage, or that yesterday's 2 hour lunch with an old friend MADE me late to a meeting, then I would ask you to remind me that those hours do not count towards my 75 hours of "Self-honoring" time. Clearly, in those cases, it did not change me, and therefore was not "Self-honoring".
This mentality is already allowing me to look at every situation as an opportunity, rather than a chore, and I can feel the change beginning within me.
Below I've listed some activities that I chose into yesterday, and today, that I am considering "Self-honoring". Some below, and in the future, will not have time next to them, but will demonstrate how I chose to look at them differently.
- Morning "Cross-Fit Style" workout - 20 min
- 19th Century Style Wisdom Teeth removal, without anesthesia, just Novacaine - chose to look at it as saving $1500, that can go towards more "Self-honoring" activities
- Watching 12th Century War Movie "Robin Hood". I have been dying to watch this movie! - 2 hours
- Writing this blog, I am beginning to love! - 1 hour
Grand Total to date: 5.33 hours
What I came to realize was that "Self-honoring" is whatever one's "Self" believes it to be, or whatever truly "Honors" me. Therefore, I am the Judge, Jury, and Executioner when it comes to whether or not I truly have honored myself.
The good news is that I have an entire team of individuals that know me very well, that will hold me accountable to whether through this, as well as at the end of this 7 weeks, I am a changed man, or if I have just done enough to "get by". And I ask, why would anyone want to use this opportunity to "get by", when an entirely more fulfilling life awaits me for just stepping into an area I generally choose out of.
So, what all this means to me is, my definition of "Self-honoring" is consciously choosing to treat myself. I could very easily make this a "task operation" and miss the whole point. If I choose not to be present, choose not to enjoy, choose the experience to "suck", then I will get the results I'm choosing, and it is NOT "Self-honoring".
I ask all that know me, and are following this story to call me out on this as well. If I let you know that I HAD to go golfing today, or later I NEED to get a massage, or that yesterday's 2 hour lunch with an old friend MADE me late to a meeting, then I would ask you to remind me that those hours do not count towards my 75 hours of "Self-honoring" time. Clearly, in those cases, it did not change me, and therefore was not "Self-honoring".
This mentality is already allowing me to look at every situation as an opportunity, rather than a chore, and I can feel the change beginning within me.
Below I've listed some activities that I chose into yesterday, and today, that I am considering "Self-honoring". Some below, and in the future, will not have time next to them, but will demonstrate how I chose to look at them differently.
- Morning "Cross-Fit Style" workout - 20 min
- 19th Century Style Wisdom Teeth removal, without anesthesia, just Novacaine - chose to look at it as saving $1500, that can go towards more "Self-honoring" activities
- Watching 12th Century War Movie "Robin Hood". I have been dying to watch this movie! - 2 hours
- Writing this blog, I am beginning to love! - 1 hour
Grand Total to date: 5.33 hours
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
How I got here
It took me a while to understand what I was "running from", that which some close friends had been pointing out to me. I mean, I have a beautiful wife, a child on the way, great family and friends, I’m part of a wonderful church, have a great income, own my own plane, and I get to do so many amazing things each year, I would often think how blessed and thankful I am.
However, the results in my life were creating deficiencies in other areas in my life. True, I am very blessed, fortunate, and loved, and...I wasn't getting filled up in certain areas in my life, and therefore not doing much filling up of others in return. I realized I had lost something, that was very dear to me, and I hadn't even noticed. I wasn't having very much fun!
Stepping back briefly, I was raised in a small logging town named Philomath, OR. We lived on our family named gravel road (Stokes Lane), where my dad and his two brothers owned and operated a Logging Road Construction Business. We had somewhere around 100 acres, much was farmland, and the rest was woods. My Grandparents also lived on Stokes Lane. Until I was 13, life was like a dream. I had 4 wheelers, motorcycles, BMX, played all sports; we had a boat for waterskiing, went snow skiing, etc, etc, etc. All my cousins and I were always out playing and getting into trouble.
In 1991, at age 13, my cousin Justin (1 month and 19 days apart in age - like a brother) lost his mom Gerry in January, whom had been battling cancer. In October, my dad was killed in a construction accident. And later that year in December, mine and Justin’s close friend Nikki was stabbed and drowned by a classmate 1 year older than us, telling the newspapers "I wanted to see what it was like to kill someone". Needless to say the "dream" had rapidly become a nightmare in 365 short days.
From there, my cousin Justin and I began to live life to the fullest, but not in a positive way. Our unspoken mission was to see how far we could push fear, and flirt with death. Getting into drugs was an easy choice, and due to my brother's early "success" in the meth arena, we quickly climbed the ladder to be supplying multiple counties in Oregon with it, and had more dope and money than we knew what to do with from ages 14-17.
This began getting uglier and uglier until I had a terrible acid trip, jumped out of a pickup going 45 on gravel, and many other ridiculous activities, and ended up in the ER. Now that I was at this point, and everyone knew "who I was", I realized I could either shape up, or go full throttle. I chose the latter, and began doing and dealing more than ever before. Got expelled from school my junior year, with little belief from anyone that I would be able to come back and complete high school.
My mom gave me an ultimatum: "You can either go to lock up rehab for 30 days, or you can go on this new 3 week survival hike I just read about". I took the hike, not knowing where this would take me. The hike was 70 miles in Southeast Oregon, in the high desert. We were given flint to start our fires, and we hiked to a new food and water drop for rations. After 2 weeks in the hike, I was in great shape, healthy, and feeling better than ever. I was off by myself, about 1 mile from base camp one night, watching the sunset, when I had a "Spiritual Experience". I did not hear a voice, I did not see a being, but within about 1 second I went from standing to fetal position on the ground, and not on my own accord. I couldn't tell what, but something was holding me down. I began having thoughts of all the crap I had put people through, especially my mom, and how time for change was NOW! That was all I knew in that moment. I did not have a plan, roadmap, or anything that would support what was about to happen in my life.
I came back a completely different person, as I was now not choosing for ME, I was actually thinking of others. I got back in school my senior year, and in spite of starting deficient in courses, I made all up, made student of the month, and played sports all year. I graduated with my original classmates, on time that next spring.
After High School, I went directly into the Navy. My plan was to continue the flying I had started already at age 15, take my High School Scholarship coupled with The Navy College Fund, and go to Embry Riddle for Aeronautical Engineering to get my Airline Transport Pilot License to fly for a living! The Navy was amazing structure, and was very hard at times, and very fun at times, but I wouldn't change that experience for anything. The values, and confidence I built there have carried me very far, and will be with me for a lifetime. I was an Avionics Technician, and came out of the Navy as an E-5 Second Class Petty Officer. I worked on the flight deck of several Aircraft Carriers, and went on a "West Pac 6 month Cruise" on the USS Constellation. I was fortunate to see Japan, Malaysia, Korea, Singapore, Dubai, Bahrain, Perth & Sydney, Pearl Harbor, and home to San Diego. My wonderful Mother even got to come ride the final week on the Constellation from Hawaii to San Diego, on what’s called a “Tiger Cruise”. She was allowed to go on the flight deck, steer the ship, and even shoot a .60 cal!!! More than I got to do!!
Getting out of the Navy is not as easy as getting in. They offer you bonuses, and all kinds of perks in an attempt to keep the investment they have created in you. I was determined however to get straight into college in 2000, and onto flying for a living. I decided first to go back to Oregon for some Jr. College Credits, and fly on the side, until admitted to Embry Riddle. After my first year back, 9/11/01 happened. Every Pilot I knew said "unless you want to starve for the next 10 years, I wouldn't go into flying for a living". So, I went with modified plan, and what I knew: construction. I decided to fly on my own time, and get my degree in Construction Engineering Management. College was another great chapter in my life, learning about love, loss of some more family members, and a lot of great memories.
I finished my degree in 2004, and by that time had completed my Private Pilot’s License with Instrument Rating. I was picked straight up to work for a consulting firm as a consultant at ExxonMobil Torrance Refinery, and moved to Long Beach, CA. I worked with mostly Venezuelan guys, playing soccer every lunch, and getting beers after work each night and loved it! About 3 months into my new chapter in Southern California, I met the love of my life. Carolyn and I met in passing in Pacific Beach, San Diego, CA. She was still living in Michigan, so we had a long distance relationship, until she decided to move out west to get her Yoga Instructor's Certificate, and to be with me. We got married not long after.
This leads into the most recent chapter in my life, up to Seattle, WA. The firm I was with asked me to be an Account Manager for Puget Sound Energy, to aid in Project Management of multi-million dollar hydro, wind and fish projects and we were transferred from SoCal to Bellevue, WA. I worked in that position at PSE for 3 years until the market crashed, and unforeseen circumstances had the highest paid consultants looking for work. I had never been "out of work" before. I was not afraid, just for the first time I was not secure in the future, and unsure of what to do about that. I spoke with my mentor and friend, and with his help he instructed me to figure out how long my wife and I could "survive" without an income. With that understanding, with a new plan with our network marketing business, and a lot of prayer, we began an approach where I was essentially saying "get outta my way, there is no way I am going to let this happen again".
3 months later, our mentor invited us to a Champions Workshop, and we began our K&A Journey. By ALS, we had spent essentially our last dollar, and by the end of ALS, I had two new jobs, both making more than I had been with the prior consultant position!
Now, in my mind, I needed to work harder and harder to pay off debt accrued so this would never happen again. Then we started looking at making sure there were savings as well, so the tendency was to work even harder. Finally, when I come to present date, I had filled my plate so full with all of those concerns, I forgot about myself, and sometimes my family as well.
I had always believed that I would never take on a work schedule like my Father had, 6 days a week, and 16 hour days. He was trying to leave that schedule when it finally killed him. And I had experienced some of this in the Navy, vowing to avoid that and still be successful. Yet, here I was.
Through friends' help I have realized that what I was running from was losing an income again, and I was determined to avoid that at all costs. I just didn't realize what it was costing. I also came to the realization that I had often thought of “taking care of me” with a negative connotation, due to where my over-indulgence in that area had gotten me in my past.
So, for those who wish to follow along, this blog series is going to be based upon a 7 week goal I have committed to, the habits I plan to form through it, and the beginning of a different focus in my life. This is a new chapter in my life, and I look forward to learning how to create time in an overcommitted schedule.
My goal is: On or before August 24th, 2011, at 11pm AZ time, I have enjoyed 75 hours or more of Self-honoring time, and blogged on it. My journey began today.
Tonight's 2 hour blog, was definitely Self-honoring to be vulnerable and share where I am at in my life right now.
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