How I got here

It took me a while to understand what I was "running from", that which some close friends had been pointing out to me.    I mean, I have a beautiful wife, a child on the way, great family and friends, I’m part of a wonderful church, have a great income, own my own plane, and I get to do so many amazing things each year, I would often think how blessed and thankful I am.  

However, the results in my life were creating deficiencies in other areas in my life.  True, I am very blessed, fortunate, and loved, and...I wasn't getting filled up in certain areas in my life, and therefore not doing much filling up of others in return.  I realized I had lost something, that was very dear to me, and I hadn't even noticed.  I wasn't having very much fun!

Stepping back briefly, I was raised in a small logging town named Philomath, OR.  We lived on our family named gravel road (Stokes Lane), where my dad and his two brothers owned and operated a Logging Road Construction Business.  We had somewhere around 100 acres, much was farmland, and the rest was woods. My Grandparents also lived on Stokes Lane.  Until I was 13, life was like a dream.  I had 4 wheelers, motorcycles, BMX, played all sports; we had a boat for waterskiing, went snow skiing, etc, etc, etc.  All my cousins and I were always out playing and getting into trouble.

In 1991, at age 13, my cousin Justin (1 month and 19 days apart in age - like a brother) lost his mom Gerry in January, whom had been battling cancer.  In October, my dad was killed in a construction accident.  And later that year in December, mine and Justin’s close friend Nikki was stabbed and drowned by a classmate 1 year older than us, telling the newspapers "I wanted to see what it was like to kill someone".  Needless to say the "dream" had rapidly become a nightmare in 365 short days.

From there, my cousin Justin and I began to live life to the fullest, but not in a positive way.  Our unspoken mission was to see how far we could push fear, and flirt with death.  Getting into drugs was an easy choice, and due to my brother's early "success" in the meth arena, we quickly climbed the ladder to be supplying multiple counties in Oregon with it, and had more dope and money than we knew what to do with from ages 14-17.  

This began getting uglier and uglier until I had a terrible acid trip, jumped out of a pickup going 45 on gravel, and many other ridiculous activities, and ended up in the ER.  Now that I was at this point, and everyone knew "who I was", I realized I could either shape up, or go full throttle.  I chose the latter, and began doing and dealing more than ever before.  Got expelled from school my junior year, with little belief from anyone that I would be able to come back and complete high school.

My mom gave me an ultimatum: "You can either go to lock up rehab for 30 days, or you can go on this new 3 week survival hike I just read about".  I took the hike, not knowing where this would take me.  The hike was 70 miles in Southeast Oregon, in the high desert.  We were given flint to start our fires, and we hiked to a new food and water drop for rations.  After 2 weeks in the hike, I was in great shape, healthy, and feeling better than ever.  I was off by myself, about 1 mile from base camp one night, watching the sunset, when I had a "Spiritual Experience".  I did not hear a voice, I did not see a being, but within about 1 second I went from standing to fetal position on the ground, and not on my own accord.  I couldn't tell what, but something was holding me down.  I began having thoughts of all the crap I had put people through, especially my mom, and how time for change was NOW!  That was all I knew in that moment.  I did not have a plan, roadmap, or anything that would support what was about to happen in my life.

I came back a completely different person, as I was now not choosing for ME, I was actually thinking of others.  I got back in school my senior year, and in spite of starting deficient in courses, I made all up, made student of the month, and played sports all year.  I graduated with my original classmates, on time that next spring.

After High School, I went directly into the Navy.  My plan was to continue the flying I had started already at age 15, take my High School Scholarship coupled with The Navy College Fund, and go to Embry Riddle for Aeronautical Engineering to get my Airline Transport Pilot License to fly for a living!  The Navy was amazing structure, and was very hard at times, and very fun at times, but I wouldn't change that experience for anything.  The values, and confidence I built there have carried me very far, and will be with me for a lifetime.  I was an Avionics Technician, and came out of the Navy as an E-5 Second Class Petty Officer.  I worked on the flight deck of several Aircraft Carriers, and went on a "West Pac 6 month Cruise" on the USS Constellation.  I was fortunate to see Japan, Malaysia, Korea, Singapore, Dubai, Bahrain, Perth & Sydney, Pearl Harbor, and home to San Diego.  My wonderful Mother even got to come ride the final week on the Constellation from Hawaii to San Diego, on what’s called a “Tiger Cruise”.  She was allowed to go on the flight deck, steer the ship, and even shoot a .60 cal!!!  More than I got to do!!

Getting out of the Navy is not as easy as getting in.  They offer you bonuses, and all kinds of perks in an attempt to keep the investment they have created in you.  I was determined however to get straight into college in 2000, and onto flying for a living.  I decided first to go back to Oregon for some Jr. College Credits, and fly on the side, until admitted to Embry Riddle.  After my first year back, 9/11/01 happened.  Every Pilot I knew said "unless you want to starve for the next 10 years, I wouldn't go into flying for a living".  So, I went with modified plan, and what I knew: construction.  I decided to fly on my own time, and get my degree in Construction Engineering Management.  College was another great chapter in my life, learning about love, loss of some more family members, and a lot of great memories.

I finished my degree in 2004, and by that time had completed my Private Pilot’s License with Instrument Rating.  I was picked straight up to work for a consulting firm as a consultant at ExxonMobil Torrance Refinery, and moved to Long Beach, CA.  I worked with mostly Venezuelan guys, playing soccer every lunch, and getting beers after work each night and loved it!  About 3 months into my new chapter in Southern California, I met the love of my life.  Carolyn and I met in passing in Pacific Beach, San Diego, CA.  She was still living in Michigan, so we had a long distance relationship, until she decided to move out west to get her Yoga Instructor's Certificate, and to be with me.  We got married not long after.

This leads into the most recent chapter in my life, up to Seattle, WA.  The firm I was with asked me to be an Account Manager for Puget Sound Energy, to aid in Project Management of multi-million dollar hydro, wind and fish projects and we were transferred from SoCal to Bellevue, WA.  I worked in that position at PSE for 3 years until the market crashed, and unforeseen circumstances had the highest paid consultants looking for work.  I had never been "out of work" before.  I was not afraid, just for the first time I was not secure in the future, and unsure of what to do about that.  I spoke with my mentor and friend, and with his help he instructed me to figure out how long my wife and I could "survive" without an income.  With that understanding, with a new plan with our network marketing business, and a lot of prayer, we began an approach where I was essentially saying "get outta my way, there is no way I am going to let this happen again".  

3 months later, our mentor invited us to a Champions Workshop, and we began our K&A Journey.  By ALS, we had spent essentially our last dollar, and by the end of ALS, I had two new jobs, both making more than I had been with the prior consultant position!

Now, in my mind, I needed to work harder and harder to pay off debt accrued so this would never happen again.  Then we started looking at making sure there were savings as well, so the tendency was to work even harder.  Finally, when I come to present date, I had filled my plate so full with all of those concerns, I forgot about myself, and sometimes my family as well.

I had always believed that I would never take on a work schedule like my Father had, 6 days a week, and 16 hour days.  He was trying to leave that schedule when it finally killed him.  And I had experienced some of this in the Navy, vowing to avoid that and still be successful.  Yet, here I was.

Through friends' help I have realized that what I was running from was losing an income again, and I was determined to avoid that at all costs.  I just didn't realize what it was costing.  I also came to the realization that I had often thought of “taking care of me” with a negative connotation, due to where my over-indulgence in that area had gotten me in my past.

So, for those who wish to follow along, this blog series is going to be based upon a 7 week goal I have committed to, the habits I plan to form through it, and the beginning of a different focus in my life.  This is a new chapter in my life, and I look forward to learning how to create time in an overcommitted schedule.

My goal is: On or before August 24th, 2011, at 11pm AZ time, I have enjoyed 75 hours or more of Self-honoring time, and blogged on it.  My journey began today.

Tonight's 2 hour blog, was definitely Self-honoring to be vulnerable and share where I am at in my life right now.